Bunny Batzri (ritm) wrote,
Bunny Batzri
ritm

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Samhain.

To: alt.dreaming.psa
From: Bunny Batzri
Subject: Samhain.

As I am sure you're all aware, Samhain is just around the corner. Ah, Samhain, the one night of the year when we can act without consequences, throw our inhibitions to the wind and simply let ourselves go, right?

Wrong.

Come and sit down with your Auntie Bunny now, kids, because we need to have a little chat about the Samhain Mists and what they REALLY mean to you. Their most visible effect is pretty well-known, but I'm still going to re-state it here, just to make sure everyone gets the point: when you wake up on the day after Samhain, you won't remember anything that happened the night before. NOTHING. Not what you did, not who you did it with -- or to -- NOTHING. So what am I still worked up about?

The things that DO remember Samhain, of course.

Sperm remembers Samhain. So does the female reproductive system. And while you may not remember who you slept with on October 31st, the blood remembers, and one paternity suit can slap you with child support for the rest of your life, even if you don't have any idea what would have possessed you to go there in the first place. Women, your ovaries don't shut down for the night just because you're feeling wicked and unbridled. Men, thanks to DNA testing and the modern era, those Samhain babies are just as much yours as hers. Birth control pills and condoms even on a night you can't remember will spare you a lot of grief -- and possibly a trip to Planned Parenthood.

STDs remember Samhain. Whether it's true or not, the general assumption is that there's a lot of wild-and-wacky sexual hijinking on Samhain, as people work on the sexual tension they build up throughout the year. That's great...but that also means the lovely lady you just took behind the bar may not be a regular sexual partner of yours, and what's more, you may not know her sexual history. Not everything you catch can be cured, and even if it CAN be cured, do you really want to try explaining to your husband that you don't KNOW where you caught that case of crabs?

If there's any night of the year when someone would find it funny to lie about their HIV status, it's Samhain. Keep that in mind.

The police remember Samhain. It doesn't matter that you're an upstanding citizen eleven months, three weeks and six days out of the year; if you spend Halloween night taking pot-shots at people while strangling kittens, you're going to greet November first from the scenic safety of a jail cell. They may let you off on basis of temporary insanity when they realize that you really don't remember...but that arrest will still be on your record. Is it worth it for a bit of fun that you won't even know you had?

For that matter, the mortal world remembers. The Mists can wipe our memories, but they can't do it for everybody. Do you like your apartment, your neighbors, your job? Seriously, do you? Because if you do, YOU may want to remember that on Samhain.

The ER and trauma wards remember Samhain. If you jump off a building and break your arm, it'll still be broken in the morning. If you're stupid, you could potentially do yourself a world of damage, and in the morning, you'll have none of the good and all of the bad to deal with. Just to be clear, the tattoo parlor downtown remembers Samhain, too, and so does that place with the poorly-washed employees that are willing to pierce anything for ten dollars. If you really want a clitoral piercing, justify it to yourself on SOME OTHER DAY.

The bank remembers Samhain. You can cancel credit card charges...maybe...if you can somehow prove that you didn't make them even though you know damn well that you probably did. But checks? Not so easily retracted. And cash? Forget about it. The Samhain Mists have a very poor track record where bank cameras are concerned, and the odds are good that the tellers will remember if you withdrew six grand just before closing time. Money spent on Samhain is money you won't have later, and even if you had a GREAT party that you can't remember now, you're still going to need to pay the rent.

Marriages performed on Samhain are still legally binding, and the state is very likely to remember that they happened. Alimony sucks. Just so you know.

Most importantly of all, the DREAMING remembers Samhain. It's not a license to fuck around without consequences: while it's difficult to break an Oath of Clasped Hands with anything single event short of attempted murder, you CAN betray your Trueheart, and you CAN snap your Oath of Escheat, and you can, in just one night, brand yourself an Oathbreaker for something that you won't even know you did. Damage you do while the Mists are on is still damage done. Keep that in mind.

Samhain is more than just an excuse to get stupid and squelchy: it's the night when our dead are closest to us, when the wheel of the year turns and the darkness is brought forth to make way for the light. Remember that. Remember that everything has a purpose, and that this is still a sacred and solemn occasion, rubber masks, unveiled Ids and all. Try to pause to take all that into account before the sun comes up and washes it away.

Oh, and as a final bit of advice? Handcuffs are fun, but make sure she has the keys before you let her anywhere NEAR you.

Bunny Batzri
ritm@pacifica.cn.gov
http://www.livejournal.com/users/ritm

C'mon, SOMEONE had to say it!
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