Bunny Batzri (ritm) wrote,
Bunny Batzri

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Dude, stay away from my toaster.

To: alt.dreaming.weird_dating_questions
From: Bunny Batzri
Subject: Do you, Eliza, do you?

Today's question comes from AL, who didn't bother to give me a way to reach him -- sneaky, sneaky, SNEAKY Mister Al who I don't know -- but did give me a question to address, namely:

Given the givens, I figure you'd be rather familiar: What's the proper protocol for asking out someone else's AI?

Okay, first, dude, here's your gold star for being too weird for me to handle before my coffee. I'm serious. I got your email, and then I had to call Roger to meet me at Denny's for coffee and greasy fries before I could even begin to consider attempting to answer. So you get points.

Secondly, and most importantly, I had to ask you just how 'I' this AI actually is. If you're talking about a Furby that can do complex math, or a really clever Eliza that thinks on a third grade level, it's either beastiality or pedophilia, and I can't condone it, or advise you on how to achieve it. Your kink is technically okay, I guess, but the 'ick, no' factor remains a serious blockage, at least on my end. For purposes of my not being required to go boil myself in lye, I'm going to assume that you're talking about a sentient adult who just happens to be a robot/computer/other construct of modern technology. Fair? Good.

Now, I need to ask whether this AI has an owner, and if so, how controlling that owner is. I don't condone computer slavery -- and it IS slavery, if you have something completely intelligent and are forcing it to do your bidding -- but the fact remains that most people don't work to create AIs, then free them to frolic in the meadows of the Internet. Does this AI's owner approve of you? Are you going to be committing an act of grand theft if you take him/her/it to the movies? If there's any sort of owner involved, get consent BEFORE you start pursuit of a romantic relationship.

Once you have the owner's permission/amused consent, it's time to start wooing the AI. And I, personally, recommend you do that just like you were wooing, y'know, an ordinary person. Find out what he/she likes to talk about, and talk about it. Make him/her little presents, in whatever medium he/she can appreciate. Spend time together. And yes, if he/she is of a format that can appreciate going to the movies, or taking walks, or whatever, do that, too.

Just don't get yourself electrocuted. Because that would suck.

I'm taking one more question this round, folks, so get it in quickly, or hold your peace until the next time I open up the floor. Peace, Bunny out.

Bunny Batzri

C'mon, SOMEONE had to say it!
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