Bunny Batzri (ritm) wrote,
Bunny Batzri

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Giant squid, and other ungood things.

To: alt.dreaming.current_events.pacifica
From: Bunny Batzri
Subject: Undersea activity in Eildon.

Marquessa Crawford ni Fiona of Candlemarch was understandably surprised and upset when the party she was hosting to celebrate the arrival of her new naval defense system was disrupted by a giant squid attack -- or, to be more precise, a kraken attack, since squid aren't normally chimerical, larger than your average submarine, or targeting the engineering projects of my Housemates. Several Dougal journeymen and Trimaris guards died during the attack, despite the best efforts of all present, and Countess January O'Leary ni Dougal of the nearby County of Walls Are Harder Than Your Head Is sustained heavy structural damage when she was flung into a wall by said cephalopod. (Reports from the County say that the Countess O'Leary is recovering, and doesn't seem to have suffered any permanent side-effects from, y'know, CRACKING HER SKULL. Which I consider to be a sign that somebody up there loves her, because Dougal or not, she should be TOAST.)

Unconfirmed and unsettling rumors out of Eildon state that the Marquessa Crawford can expect a visit from an actual Undersea delegation sometime sooner than later. This is, presumably, not because they want to apologize for disrupting her soiree, since the residents of the Undersea aren't known (as a rule) for not behaving like a bunch of total and complete dickheads.

Given how rarely the denizens of the vasty deep actually stick their heads above the water, this is, naturally, the sort of thing that is a) best taken with a grain of salt, b) sort of scary, and c) causing Roger to threaten to tie me to the bed to keep me from going down there to poke the snarly merpeople with sticks. As if I would! I make it a rule never to poke ANYTHING that controls GIANT EVIL SQUID with a stick. Not unless the stick is fifteen feet long and being held by a really, really massive Troll named Mortimer. And Morty is out of town for another three weeks visiting his grandmother in Florida, so he's not available to poke things for me.

But seriously, it's getting a little scary out there, folks. Most of the selkies around here have been in an uproar for days, and there are a lot of familiar faces missing from the Court. Word has it that the Atwaters have been calling all their relatives home, and I fully expect that the Crawfords and deMaraus have been doing the same. Several soothsayers of my acquaintance have invited me to come inland with them for 'friendly getaways'...but I don't like the looks in their eyes when they're saying it.

Consider this your storm warning: there are some dangerous times ahead for Eildon, and maybe for all of us who make our homes too close to the sea. Tie down your sails, batten down your hatches, and get ready for bumpy waters.

If you can't swim, now would be a good time to move to Arizona.

More news as it develops.

Bunny Batzri

C'mon, SOMEONE had to say it!
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